I missed a day, so this is report 8, but I am on day 4. I have an addiction to pornography. I am in recovery, but for some reason the last few weeks I have fallen more times than I had for a long time. A lot of it has to do with not reporting to anyone I think. I used to report to someone and when I would mess up I would have to tell. As I started just getting out of that habit, I would act out and be like, well I haven’t bothered them in so long I will just do better this time around. It doesn’t work well to passively commit like that. I need to be honest with myself and others. I don’t know how well reporting to the world like this will work. I do feel the need to be totally honest here, but it’s not the same level of accountability as reporting to a person.
Either way, I didn’t act out yesterday. The day before I started to act out, but I was like, no this isn’t good so I stopped. I am going to call that a win which puts me on day 4. I also haven’t been doing perfect on my tech commitments. I spent time yesterday and the day before playing games on my phone which is outside my boundaries – as well as working on my computer without anyone else awake. So, I am recommitting to my tech device boundaries as well as to combatting my addiction.
The pain of the problem has to remain mentally worse than the pain of the solution for me. I also need to work on lust and other thoughts as I can think of moments yesterday where I allowed my mind to think things I shouldn’t have.
I am in recovery and working on me as an individual and an addict. I have a long ways to go, but I can do this if I stay humble and follow the steps.
