I have an addiction to pornography. I am on my 3rd day of sobriety and I will not act out today.
I was reading about was vets in Vietnam with heavy use of marijuana, LSD, cocaine and heroin. Before they came home, the White House was worried they would dramatically increase addiction to these substances in the American population upon return to the US. Only 5% of these men continued on these drugs after returning home – which was the same as pre-war percentages. The reason most didn’t continue it’s supposed was due to the dramatic change in environment.
Now, for my addiction – regular life is my environment. This adds an extra challenge to avoiding the triggers and reaction that are the first steps of my acting out habit cycle. It’s hard to change my environment entirely. But, I believe there are ways in which I can change my relationship with computers and devices in order to mimic an environment adjustment. I can set boundaries for myself around time of day. I can require location-based interaction with certain devices. I can physically turn them off. With any of these actions though, I need to form a habit contract in order to make sure I am truly committing myself.
Overall, device usage boundaries will be a small step in my full recovery plan. There are plenty of other elements that need to be decided as well. For now, writing in here is my main gateway habit.
I am in recovery from my addiction. I re-commit to not act out today despite temptations that will surely come. I am remembering what is most important to me and at least in this moment, making my mind recall the person I truly want to be as a defense against the actions I sometimes make which are a vote for the person I don’t want to be.
