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Ok, so I am starting to think that this blog is making things worse for me. I write in here rather than telling someone, knowing that nobody is reading it. In that way I am keeping it a secret not telling someone else. So, I think it just increases the problem. It takes real connection with people and being accountable to someone you know and who knows you in order to really recover. I have told people now, I am accountable to someone now, and I will be reporting to this real person. Therefore I am signing off from this blog, I no longer have a need for it. Instead I will write in a journal. My last mess up was three days ago, December 4th 2020. I am on day 3 of recovery and I will no longer be writing here.