I am moving early today, it’s good to not dwindle as much.
I call the time I spend writing here “Reflection”. I like this term because it means I take the time to reflect on my life, and how I am doing – which I tend to not do much of. There are a lot of things I could talk about right now, but I should settle on a subject that will most help me to reflect on how I am doing with my addiction and what to think about today.
I talked yesterday about honesty. I am not doing 100% honesty with everyone well. However, honesty is just the summary title of the step. The actual first step is “Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your addiction and that your life has become unmanageable”. This is different than what I was talking about yesterday.
I can fully admit that by myself I probably won’t overcome this. What it means to include others’ help in the road to recovery is somewhat open ended I think though. It doesn’t mean everyone in my life has to know everything. How to include the right people and/or forces in my life is not a question that needs to be answered in step 1. Step 1 just means that I admit I can’t do it alone.
By writing these posts to nobody and not opening up to any human about the state of my addiction, am I “not following” step 1?
I have no reservations admitting that there is no way I will overcome my addiction with sheer willpower. There is no way I will overcome it without existential reflection. There is no way I will maintain any sort of sobriety without getting my brain outside of the day to day and looking at this from an external / higher perspective. I also think there is no way I will be able to overcome this if my only physical actions to work on it involve only myself. I think I need to attend recovery meetings and/or have someone to report to. I admit these things are necessary to overcome it.
In some ways my entries here are weak because they haven’t necessarily resulted in actionable takeaways. I will think about this some more.
I am on day 5 of recovery from my addiction to pornography.
